The Journey Inwards

The Journey Inwards

Every day brings new opportunities for fresh starts. No matter who you are or what your challenges may be, there is a reason for you to be here. You are a miracle. And it’s by noticing the every day miracles around you which increases the Love in the Universe. Love is letting go of fear, our greatest obstacle and from which the most challenging obstacles of darker emotions and feelings arise.

The journey inwards is not an easy one. Many saints have written about the dark night of the soul, or the battle with the dragon. Teachers can only take us to the doorway of the inner labyrinth, but finding the center of the maze and taming our own inner dragon is a solo journey. The quest which must be completed in order to properly use the Force, which we are each given.

Love your self unconditionally, celebrate your uniqueness in this great mosaic tapestry of life. When your journey gets tough and there are not like minded souls around you, seek comfort in Nature. Let Her warm arms comfort you with Her beauty, Her strength and resilience, Her oceans, streams and rivers, Her trees, plants and flowers, her living creatures great and small. See the sparkle in the eyes of the children, and soon you will see that same sparkle in your own eyes, and in the eyes of those around you.

Never let the Light go out in your eyes. Keep shining, my friends, keep shining.

Stepping Past The Equinox

Stepping Past The Equinox

We are stepping past the Equinox
basking in the Void,
looking back at the Eclipse –
we are open.

The world

heaves and shifts

yet again –

people are screaming
in the streets.
Revolution here

let it move with Love.

Let the Water Protectors
lead the way,
lead the way
into a Brand New Day.

A Brand New Golden Dawn

Peace at last ~

Love will reign supreme,

for we are Golden.

We are water.

Water is Life and Life is Sacred.

Each of us is Sacred,

none more than any other,

we are Family.

One human Family,

I am you and you are me,

hearts filled with Love

are forever free,

we are Gaia’s children.

We are stepping past the Equinox

Looking back at the Eclipse.

We are open.


© Kamea Moonmaiden

All Nations Rise

All Nations Rise

Well, today Jupiter moves into Libra and the Standing Rock Sioux are still standing strong against the location of the construction of the Dakota Access pipeline, which would go through sacred lands just behind their reservation and used to belong to them before a series of treaty violations by the U.S. government took it away from them and is very close to their water source.

I am traveling with a caravan out there in October to show support, for this protest is growing, folks, exponentially growing. All fifty nations of Native Americans show solidarity and support and now, despite lack of media coverage, world wide attention is being gained in support, for we are water, and #LifeIsWater. Rerouting is all they are asking for, for the safety of the water.

Today at 4 p.m. CST is a synchronized worldwide meditation where we shall all focus divine love and energy on ourselves and the world waterways and chant I Am Water for 15 minutes.

And here is a gift for you, this beautiful song by Lyla June, which is so powerful it brought me chills and made me weep. As a fellow Rainbow Warrior, I am praying for world peace and healing, we are One Tribe now, the human tribe. Our open hearts and minds build the Rainbow Bridge which connects Heaven and Earth.

Rainbow Blessings of Love and Light. A’ho Mitakuye Oyasin. We are all connected.

Lost in Bliss

Lost in Bliss

I just want to lose myself
in his arms,
all wrapped up in love,
lost in bliss.

His kisses have the power
to transport
me to other realms,
his touch so profound
that bliss lasts for hours,
as helpless as a newborn
this world is our own.

Each twilight encounter
ever sweeter
days more surreal,
both of us hearts guarded,
nevertheless, bit by bit
we’ve bonded,

discovering each other’s
memorizing every inch
of these body temples,
surely with feelings
so golden,
so magical –
surely this love is true.

Beginnings can be so scary.

© Kamea Moonmaiden 08/09/2016

Setting the Princess of Roses Free, Part Two

Setting the Princess of Roses Free, Part Two

Rosalie had to wait a very long time for her lover to find another pebble which rendered invisibility, for the young Prince had to travel across many seas to reach the island of the good fairy who had given him his pebble as a young boy, as a favor to his parents, the King and Queen of the Golden Island.

At first she was very brave, for she had fallen deeply in love, and the strength of that love lifted and sustained her, filling her completely from head to toe with joy. But the days grew into weeks, and the weeks grew into months, and still no sign of her love.

For the good fairy had relocated, so it took three months just to find her, and by the time he returned to the island the Prince of Air had whisked the beautiful Princess off too, she was gone. Her captor had grown weary of attempting to persuade her to love him, yet he didn’t want anyone else to find her. He had discovered she had a lover for the jenii reported her behavior and murmuring to him. Months and months brought many tears to the young maiden, heartbroken at not being rescued.

So she made friends with the Prince of Gnomes, who was designated to amuse her and cheer her up in a desperate attempt to bring her out of a deep depression. The Prince of Air was feeling a touch of remorse, for what good was it to hold her captive if she trembled with hatred and rage every time he approached her?

Well, of course the Prince of Gnomes fell in love with her too, and as she was beginning to think her lover might have perished, she agreed to run away with him and get married. But the night before their planned departure, the Prince from the Golden Island finally found her.

He had to travel through the Island of Despair to get to the good fairy, who was sharing the island with the dark fairy. On that side of the island, heartbroken lovers (all men) aimlessly wandered about until they happened upon another, then they immediately killed themselves together. Bodies were strewn across the path here and there, each pair killed in a different manner.

It was because of this island that the good fairy had taught her youngest son to hate women. For she couldn’t bear the thought of her favorite ever ending up heartbroken. Perhaps if she hadn’t filled his mind with such hateful ideas about women, he wouldn’t have found it appropriate to steal away the first maiden he ever fell in love with.

The Golden Prince was actually led to his sweetheart’s secret prison by the Prince of the Sea (who could also have been Neptune). As luck would have it, he had also fallen in love with the Princess, and was throwing young heroes in search of her (for her father had sent out several convoys at this point) off a cliff into the sea. But once he touched someone, they were able to breathe under the water.

So the Golden Prince found Rosalie, and they wept and clung fast to each other. Wasting no time after all they had been through, he gave her the magic pebble and they flew out of the fortress (for he had acquired the power of flight granted him for emergencies by the good fairy when he found her and told her all he had been through. She felt very sorry that her son the Prince of Air had kidnapped the Princess, for he was on the verge of heading on over to the Island of Despair himself at that point. Besides, the King and Queen of Roses were her friends).

The Prince of the Sea had been instructed by his mother to help the couple escape, and with his help they got the Princess across the Sea. Finally they arrived at the Island of Roses, where her father lay on his deathbed for sorrow at losing his daughter. Her mother was ruling the Island, and her eyes sparkled greatly when she saw the two approaching. If she hadn’t have been sitting in her throne, she would have shrieked aloud for joy and wept loudly. Soon she and her daughter gave each other the biggest tightest hug ever, and together they went to see the King.

His face brightened and tears streamed down his face as he thanked the Golden Prince, who knelt down and humbly asked for her hand in marriage. This was happily granted, and with the color returning to his cheeks, the King was able to pull himself up out of the royal four poster bed which had roses strewn all about it.

The feasting before, during and after the wedding was the most amazing anyone in the land had ever seen, especially when the King and Queen of the Golden Island arrived just in time for the wedding. For their honeymoon they sailed to a small island next to the Golden Island, where they swam in clear blue waters, ate lots of fruit, drank ambrosia and slept under the stars every night. Within a couple of months it was clear Rosalie was expecting, and they decided to take their place in the Royal House of the Golden Island, where they would learn how to become rulers themselves someday.

(This just came to me, so I wrote it down right away, I will add an analogy and a very interesting synchronicity which happened after writing part 1 a bit later, for i need a break now. Love love.)

© Kamea Moonmaiden

Forgiveness on a Radical Scale

Forgiveness on a Radical Scale

One of the hardest for many, seemingly impossible for some, forgiveness is at the core of spirituality and the key for true growth. Not forgiving is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Of course it doesn’t usually happen all at once, especially when there may have been years of imbalance. Taking personal responsibility for our own joy and happiness becomes much easier when steps towards forgiveness have been taken.

This always includes self forgiveness. An essential part of loving ourselves unconditionally, we have all made mistakes along the way. But we also do the best we can with the tools we’ve acquired along the way.

I know a tiny bit of Ho’oponopono, and have a meditation visualization where I call all my loved ones, living or beyond, from grandparents to parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, partners, lovers, friends, etc. onto a stage while facing them from a podium. I ask each one if they support me today in my connection and experience with Higher Self. If they say yes, I give them a hug and release them, if they say no, they remain on the stage til the end when I visualize using golden spiritual scissors (a chainsaw sometimes, lol) to cut the aka cords (thin, silvery threads of stuck energy emanating from my belly button to theirs and wrapping around is along the way), knowing that the Universal Cord of Love can never be broken.

There are many other helpful visualizations I find helpful, like seeing my problems stick to fly paper, or stuffing dollar bills in a glass of orange juice. Or, after balancing my chakras, wiping them clean with white bread instead of golden Velcro rose petals (also good) and then leaving some slices in the areas needing mending.

The main mantra, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.”

I read about a Kahuna chief who also happened to be a psychiatrist (if my Da reads this perhaps he will remember the name). With time and by deeply meditating on each patient’s chart using Ho’oponopono, each patient became well! And was discharged from the hospital.

Okay, so another thing I am doing to enhance the forgiveness process is visualizing old patterns in golden legal transcript form being typed up, bundled up and thrown down my grounding cord when grounding and balancing my heart brain.

Just watched a show called Sacred Journey of the Heart which talked a lot about the power of the heart, and how our hearts actually do have a mind of their own. This helps explain why some people elicit different responses and emotions within us than others. Those whose energy fields more closely match our own always elicit more of a response.

On this show they talked quite a bit about radical forgiveness and about creating safe spaces for people to talk about their stories and release and bless the traumatic experiences.

I love finding out information from the Institute of Heart Math. Being a human being certainly is an amazing experience, that is for sure.

Incidentally, since beginning the Quantum Healing meditations (which I am practicing daily still and will be able to teach them myself in a month or so as I am MEMORIZING each one) my hair is becoming thicker and I look younger sometimes. (Not all the time yet, working on a great deal here, and I am almost 54 – this body had to be screaming for a very long time before I took it seriously and began to listen carefully each and every day).

There are times when I fall out of practice with my yoga, especially upon re-injury, which can take a couple of months to recover from. But, with my meditations I also do a couple Pranayama yoga techniques which help. Especially the breathing ones.

Another technique I love is pumping – this involves squeezing the right hand repeatedly and bringing golden light from my activated halos in to whatever areas need healing. Lavender light is good. Pink light is feminine divine energy and green is masculine divine energy. Golden light is the color of the Creator. Tapping key points is also helpful and enables me to make sure my spirit is in my body, so that I am fully embodied.

When I first began, I couldn’t sit up through a whole meditation. The pain was too intense. Back then even cutting vegetables was very difficult for me. I had to stop coloring for a while. Couldn’t thread a needle. Was bed ridden a great deal of the time. I wanted to sleep forever yet couldn’t sleep deeply for a full night. I quit taking my anxiety medication. Over three months ago! The emotional pain was strongly connected. My heart broke but is now healing. Old friendships have fallen away, and new friendships are arising. There is more time for solitude, but not too much!

One of my problems is eating often enough when i am alone. Certainly not the only mom with that issue. This has a lot to do with the fact that I haven’t ever been alone much at all. It’s something to conquer all the time. It’s like I have to give myself permission to eat even though I do love food! And eat mostly healthful food. That is just one of my key inner saboteurs. So I have little meals all day, doing my best to not stretch out the time in between too far. It’s one of the biggest things I have to forgive myself for, on quite a radical scale!

Every day is a perfect opportunity to begin again. Letting go of recrimination, for those shoulda, coulda, woulda moments and just blasting those pictures of self hatred away is so liberating!

With radical forgiveness we can walk with our new legs into the longer eternal now, a mindful life of mutual compassion and Unconditional Love for all!

© Kamea Moonmaiden

Long Long Road Towards Wellness

Long Long Road Towards Wellness

First of all, here is a photo of my morning glories and moon flowers I planted six weeks ago. They’re literally going crazy after all the rain! The sweet basil is also thriving. I made the second trellis myself last summer when the first one began to deteriorate. During the rising of a full moon. The neighborhood kids were howling and after completing the trellis, I went down to hang out with them.

Upon showing them my fairy gardens, they asked me if I were rich. Lol. I told them no, I just like to collect things and grow flowers and herbs. My fairy gardens and petunias are also thriving right now. Having a balcony garden is so great.

I am learning to be patient with the healing process, which is taking longer than I thought. I haven’t ever really been patient with myself, so learning is an ongoing process. Forgiveness is such an essential part of this process.

This includes forgiving all whom I ever gave my energy away to who may have hurt me, whether that was intentional or unintentional. This includes myself, for all the mistakes I ever made and for any pain I ever caused my loved ones unintentionally, by forgetting to take good care of myself during this long journey called life.

Long, long ago my grandfather died in a house fire, and his spirit told me he wanted me to move to Oklahoma to be near my grandma. Two days after he passed, his sister awoke and told the family God had told her Grandpa wanted me to be at his funeral.

Maybe because I was his first granddaughter, and had gone to live with him and Grandma when I was 9 and had developed an ulcer because the kids at school in Peñasco teased and tormented me so much. Because I wasn’t Spanish. And because the hippies at the Hog Farm had sent their kids to school the year before with lice in their hair, dirty, with no underwear. Many of them seriously did a terrible job at parenting! But that’s a whole other story.

My ex and I, along with the five children we had at the time (four mine and one his foster son he had acquired through a previous relationship) traveled from Pacifica, California to Oklahoma in the winter. We drove caravan style – me in the Nissan pulling a home made trailer fashioned out of a sawed off pickup with camper shell and with a ladder and bikes on top, and he in a van pulling the little camper house he had built out of plywood.

I had never pulled a trailer before and was a bundle of nerves. As we drove across the Bay Bridge, one of the tires on the trailer began to wobble. My 15-year-old daughter and I were jamming out to Pearl Jam when she said people were trying to get my attention.

“They’re laughing at us, Nina” I told her, totally believing they were. This went on for about five minutes, then the tire rolled past us! I knew I needed to pull over.

This was the early Nineties, so no cell phones, but we did have walkie talkies. Lol. I let my ex know what was going on, and he and the kids pulled over to wait for us.

The Bay Patrol came and towed us to a terrible neighborhood in Oakland. Traumatized, I wanted to get a room. Drug dealers walked up and down the streets and the hotels had bullet proof glass windows, so we decided to head on down the road.

We only made it about thirty more minutes before my nerves gave in. The next day we made it to Bakersfield, where it took two days to repair the camper.

It took us ten days to make it to Oklahoma! There was lots of snow in Flagstaff, Arizona, where a wheel came off his trailer house while we were exiting the freeway! I’m pretty sure my Grandpa was our special angel, though, and he made sure we made it safely to Norman.

Although, somehow while driving through Moore, Oklahoma, my trailer got in a slight wreck without me noticing it. Lol. The streets were icy and snow packed, and I had been living in California for three years.

And I only had seven months experience driving in New Mexico before moving away. I got my license when I was nine months pregnant with my dear Alyssa. Then I moved away when she was six months old because of issues between me and her dad. I felt I needed to run away, so I did.

Ran away with four kids and my dear sister came to help me make the drive to Los Angeles, where my mom lived. I had a 1968 Cutlass Supreme, which blew a rod at a gas station in Flagstaff.

God was watching over us that time, too. The car easily could have broken down in the long stretch of mountain desert between Gallup and Flagstaff. But it waited til we were safely at a gas station.

My mom had trained me to do medical transcription after my third child was born. I used to take the bus from Hollywood to Glendale, about an hour ride, carrying my baby, holding my toddler by the hand. It was during that time that chronic pain began.

Thirty years ago. Being in overdrive all the time for years and years and years can cause some serious problems with the body. I went to doctor after doctor trying to figure out what was wrong. There were complications with my delivery, the epidural messed up and they struck my spinal cord, and afterwards I became quite ill with an infection which spread through my abdomen. I had a large cyst in my left upper flank.

Which is where the chronic pain began. They thought it was my kidneys, and there was some evidence they were involved. Then they felt it was all GI issues. It wasn’t til my late thirties they diagnosed fibromyalgia, then my forties they found out about my low back and neck. Had my surgery nine years ago, last year they found out it failed. Others have gone through series of surgeries like this, though.

If spinal surgery is recommended for any of you, I recommend taking any course of alternative action first. If you can possibly avoid that type of treatment, please do! They don’t describe the amount of pain involved accurately at all. I have had multiple abdominal surgeries, even four on one day, and nothing at all was as bad as the neck surgery. I am so thankful they didn’t want to give me a repeat surgery!

With time, I did figure out carrying too heavy a load was a huge contributing factor. Doing twenty five massages a week was when it got really bad, so I began taking twelve credit hours of college because I knew I would have to change careers.

So sometimes re-inventing oneself can take a whole decade. Especially with a very large family. I can’t turn my back on them no matter what. And I’m so thankful for having had the opportunity to babysit my Loralai. And right now Adam is almost completely blind due to postoperative dry eye condition, which makes him understandably quite nervous, and he is staying with me again til early next week, when he’s moving to Tulsa. Luckily, he has a good friend to stay with, a friend since he was a teenager.

And I am going to be doing some more massages, am ready to begin slowly. Another series of Physical Therapy is also in order. I’m also practicing my writing off-line and looking into copywriting.

In the meantime, I’m studying energy work and crystal healing to add to my massages. I already know Reiki healing and have been attuned unofficially many many times. And have helped attune a whole classroom of massage students with a friend of mine. That was so awesome! I also attuned my kids. And some friends along the way, all of whom said it was an amazing experience.

My oldest daughter, Loralai’s mom, is a single mother with three kids, and things haven’t been easy for her. But she recently began her burrito business, and luckily, it’s taking off!

Tomorrow is burrito day and Friday garage sale day, so I am going through my clothes and junk. Definitely need to downsize! Where all this stuff comes from is beyond me.

Anyways, all of this is one of the reasons this woman is still working on the self healing process. And I know so many folks have been through so much more. Always there are others in worse situations.

Overcoming situations like that had been a huge part of it. Getting out of emotionally abusive relationships a big part too. My last big breakup from that kind of situation was four years ago.

So considering all that, I certainly feel incredibly blessed to still be here, and not only that, I not only can still use my hands, I still am able to give massages, haven’t had to wear the hand brace in over a year! And there were times I couldn’t even type or write for a whole semester.

Triumphing over obstacles and being eternally thankful no matter what, thankful for my wonderful and loving children and for my loving friends. Thankful for my brothers and sisters and my Da, with whom I still have contact.

Praying for reunion with my aunts and cousins and knowing it’s going to take time. And that is okay. And for a reunion with my biological father, because he is getting old and it would just be nice to talk to him.

May the Supreme Being of Light bless every person on earth, fill us with healing, happiness and love.

Deep peace of the shining stars to each and every person on this planet.