My Miracle Boy

My Miracle Boy

Twenty two years ago today, my labor finally truly began for the birth of my son Nicolas. He was over ten days post dates and I didn’t want an induction or another cesarean, which my daughter Alyssa, baby #4, was born by. A dear friend offered to help me stay at home as long as possible to prevent induction. I did a lot of research and lots of birthing affirmations, like “My body knows how to create a perfect, healthy baby and I will let it.” And, “My body knows how to give birth normally and I will let it.”

After bumpy road rides and some other recommended forms of self induction, my contractions finally began right about 2:00 p.m. that day. I called my friend and we began walking around the block. Alternating with sitting outside on the back patio, enjoying the weather which had become cooler finally as a thunderstorm was coming on in.

About 8:00 p.m. the storm got very close and a clap of thunder struck, breaking my waters. Now for me, every birth became longer and more difficult rather than more quickly and easier. Well, all my babies were big, ranging from 8-10 pounds.

We decided to get to the hospital at that time, for there was some meconium in the water. I labored all night long, walking up and down the halls as long as I could, and sneaking juice and crackers whenever the nurses weren’t in the room.

By about 7:00 o’clock in the morning, my doctor came to check me and decided to start IV fluids. A couple hours later they decided to start me on Pitocin. At that point I had been in so much pain for over 24 hours I asked for an epidural, even though I had hoped to have a completely natural birth.

So they did, and I dozed off for quite while. Woke to the urge to push and called the nurse, who checked me and probably figured it would take me hours to push since I had had an epidural. I pushed once and my baby’s head began to crown. So the nurse held his head back for ten minutes until the doctor arrived. Not my doctor, who had agreed to go with my birthing plan, but a doctor I had never meant before. I pushed twice and he was born, experiencing what is called a precipitous birth.

I told the doctor not to cut the life giving cord which would provide him with oxygen while he adjusted to living outside the womb, and he said in a thick Okie accent, “That’s not the way we do it with meconium.” And so he cut the cord and I swear if I had been able to move my legs I would have kicked his hands away. Then they handed my baby to an attendant, who deep suctioned him before giving him a chance to breathe. So during that process, he inhaled meconium and both his lungs burst. And they didn’t notice a thing was wrong with him while they washed him up and checked him out before giving him to me to nurse.

I tried to nurse but he couldn’t. He was breathing but would just back away and I could sense he was distressed, so I asked them to come check him out again. They took him back to the nursery and checked him out again for about twenty minutes and brought him back to me. By this point, he was already beginning to struggle to breathe, and there was no way he was going to be able to nurse. He was fighting for his life. So this time I called them and was adamant that he be checked out more thoroughly immediately, sensing this was a life threatening emergency.

They took him away and wouldn’t talk to me for hours. Every time I called, the only thing they would say was that he was very sick.

My daughter Nina drove the rest of the kids home and lit a candle and prayed, asking God for a sign that her new baby brother was going to be alright. Then she went in the back yard and a thousand birds flew by. And the day before he was born a Monarch butterfly landed on my belly and stayed there (as I sat resting on the patio behind my house in the warm sun) for about half an hour.

Those were both signs from the Heavenly realm. Signs that angels are watching over us, and especially immediately praying for intervention for a close loved one.

It wasn’t until about midnight that the doctor who saved Nick’s life came in and told us what was going on. They had to give him a chest tube twice and when that didn’t work, on a respirator. He also developed hospital acquired Group B strep septicemia, which they found out the next day. It not only got into his blood, it was in his respiratory and urinary systems. So they had him on all kinds of tubes and was strapped down because he kept yanking them out. My baby boy was a true fighter.

They told us not to touch him for it would make him excited but I insisted I must, knowing a mother’s touch can one of the most healing things for a newborn baby. They told me that was okay as long as I didn’t move my hand. So I held my hand on his little arm, or held it on his chest and looked into his hazel eyes and he looked back at me, and his eyes were clear and bright even though they had him sedated so as to not struggle so much and then another medicine to maintain his blood pressure. He told me without words not to worry, not to be afraid, that he would be okay.

His father was very supportive, as was my doctor, who arranged for me to be able to stay in the hospital for three whole days, due to the circumstances. So we stayed with Nick as much as possible, praying the whole time, and then would go to my room where I used a double Medela pump to provide colostrum for my baby. Then we would go to the chapel and weep and pray.

They told us to prepare ourselves for the worst. Fifty percent of babies who only had the Strep died, they said. And Nick was working on healing his lungs. They said the best case scenario would be that he would need to be on a respirator for at least a month.

So we prayed more, our families joining in. And at the end of his third day of life, his father’s sister and husband who is a pastor and their whole congregation were praying for Nick at the same time my mom and a spiritual group of friends were doing the same – one group in Indiana, my mom’s group in Los Angeles. Us in the middle. And right after we got back from the chapel, for we had been praying at that time too, not knowing about the timing of these serendipitous groups of people praying for our son, the nurse came running down to tell us Nicolas was breathing against the respirator, and she had already begun to turn it down. She was so joyous and we burst into tears and rushed to the nursery. His eyes had brightened even more, and we were told we could hold him the next day.

We had to go home that night, but by 5:00 a.m. I was asking if I could return to be with my baby.

The nurses loved us at that point and said yes. And there he was, respirator off, with a little hood for oxygen over him, NG tube pulled out too!

We were both able to hold him that day, and I was able to rock him and give him a bottle of my very own amazing colostrum. And the next day, I was able to finally nurse him. And my milk was already in, thanks to the powerful double Medela pump.

Next time the NICU doctor checked him, I told her we had prayed for a miracle, and she replied, “Well, it certainly worked! He is doing very well, a beautiful baby boy. He’s a fighter.” And she beamed at us.

He was transferred to the regular nursery the next day, but they kept him until he was 9 days old, a joyous day of returning home with our new baby finally. For we had pretty much lived up at the hospital with him until we could take him home.

And now he is an amazing, strong, loving, creative young man, about to turn 22 years old. Out of all of my six kids, only went through this one scary ordeal which turned into a miracle. And even though every baby is a miracle and I love all mine with all my heart, I will always call Nick Nixta Scheid my miracle boy.


Time Stretched Into Eternity

Time Stretched Into Eternity

We sat alone all together,
stripped of family, home and liberty
forgotten by so many,
I think they threw away the key
as Time stretched into Eternity
there at the CCDC.

Cleveland County Detention Center
Cold metal, concrete, cold air.
The night they brought me there,
I prayed to God to let me die.
But the ladies put their arms around me,
brought me tissues for my tears.
These women became my new family,
there at the CCDC.

Bright orange scrub sets
of jail clothes we were given.
Old grey scratchy woolen blankets,
such a place I’d never lived in.
Like cattle we were driven
for the food that we were given
as Time stretched into Eternity
there at the CCDC.

The main source of our misery
was that we’d been stripped
of all we held dear.
So many of us had a need to mother,
so we turned to one another,
We listened to each other’s stories,
so many stories to tell.
It stopped feeling so much like hell,
and as our prayer circle did grow
each of us began to glow
there at the CCDC.

To help ease the cold and misery
I began yoga every day.
It made the ladies laugh with glee
at the ways I would bend and stretch
and soon they asked me to show them the way
and the yoga class grew and grew
and we began to feel brand new
during my 97 days
there at the CCDC.

Twelve long years have passed
by so quickly since that time
and I am doing well,
but I know that there in CCDC
somebody’s mother, daughter, sister
is spending yet another day.
There has got to be another way
for the sisters in a world set apart –
each has a story which can break the heart
as Time is still stretching into Eternity
there at the CCDC.

Oh, the freedom of living in the land of trees after 97 days of living in the underground concrete forest was beyond bliss. My friends took me in and comforted me, gave me shelter, had collected my most precious belongings and sent me love and light while I was locked up, gave me hugs and a joyous reunion concert at our favorite local dive. The last song, dedicated to me, was called “Gotta get my baby out of jail” and one of my best friends twirled me around the dance floor and another dear friend picked me up in his arms afterwards and set me on the standing bar. It was our favorite hippie band and so many friends were there, buying me shots and spanking me playfully. After all that time locked up I decided to go out and drink for a few times to celebrate my freedom, but since I hadn’t smoked pot for 97 days, I didn’t partake at all before pleading into Drug Court since I figured it would be easier to go through the diversion program I was scheduled to plead into within sixty days of my release if I just simply abstained. And I was right. Two years and four months i was in that program, and I was on pins and needles the whole time. First there was all the shame for what I had done – selling pot while living close to a school and being the mother of so many kids – my youngest only ages 8 and 5 – was so irresponsible and made the whole community consider me a dangerous person. I didn’t see myself that way – I was so naive. Didn’t think of helping some friends find herb as a bad or dangerous thing, although I was aware it was illegal, I was raised in the counter culture – and all my parents’ friends smoked pot with them. It was their favorite pastime. It was only when they got drunk that things ever went awry, so I thought it was alcohol that was bad, not pot.

And now, thirteen years later, things are definitely changing, but not in the state I live in. Someday I will write a memoir of those 97 days which is much more detailed than this poem. I am thankful to my poetry teacher for getting me to reach inside and personalize it more.

Oh, and please forgive me. And now my daughter is in prison for her problems with addiction to hard drugs, but at least she is in the treatment plan of the place, and it is minimum security. Please forgive me for revealing this. But one thing I would like to emphasize is that both my daughter and I are good people. I got treatment for my problem, and she is getting treatment for hers. I just wish there was treatment available for those without the proper insurance which didn’t have to be so harsh and punitive. Because I am still recovering from the PTSD of the SWAT team that broke down my front door thirteen years ago. I spent years and years making up for my transgressions. Paid thousands and thousands of dollars, went to hundreds of meetings, classes, court every week, was drug tested every week up to three times a week and never failed.

Oh, and when I first began my blog I was in pain management for all the issues with my spine and fibromyalgia. I am happy to say that two weeks after my ovaries were removed I titrated myself off of that pain medication and I am off of them now!!!!!

I consider 2016 a year of tremendous change and it definitely was a year of purification, just like Kaypacha predicted it would be. Thank you all for following my blog, I love you all so much.

May 2017 bring you all many blessings of love, peace, prosperity and good health.

Om namaha shivaya. Rainbow Blessings of Love and Light.

Cleveland County Detention Center

Cleveland County Detention Center

Time stretches into Eternity,
no one knew it could last so long.
Locked down again for another’s fight
we can never right what is wrong.

Forgotten by so many
I think they’ve thrown away the key
and Time stretches into Eternity
here in the CCDC.

They’ve taken away our identity
and everything we hold dear –
some here for an infinity
some know their release is near.
How medieval is our situation
this course which we have taken –
society considers us forsaken
here in the CCDC.

But some have not forgotten
and some prayers are yet heard
none of us are wholly rotten –
being kept so long is quite absurd
here in the CCDC.

So make sure you have a plan.
Be prepared to make a final stand
for Justice, Peace, and Liberty
Here in the CCDC.

Once you’re out, be strong and true
Make sure and follow all the laws too
Because this is a place you
don’t want to return to
here in the CCDC.
No, you don’t want to come back
to a life of hell in the CCDC.

Copyright reserved @ Kamea Moonmaiden 2003

P.S. Now that I have been blogging nearly one year, I decided to reveal this part of my history from many years ago. My offence was for an herb which is now legal recreationally in eight states, with many more about to transition, while medical cannabis is legal in nearly 30 states.

So now you know. Next I will share the revised version I wrote in my Advanced Senior Creative Writing Poetry Class.

Celebrating Memories

Celebrating Memories

Today is the family memorial here in Norman for my sweet friend who recently passed away. I am one to totally embrace the Christmas spirit (not the commercialization so much, though, we keep it simple and sweet, there are just so many of us that’s the best way to go), so this year it is especially important to me to focus on prayer morning, noon and night. As many of you have most likely noticed, I don’t follow a certain path or belong to a religion. However, my faith is strong and I would say Celtic Christian would be very close to the beliefs I espouse. Nature based and completely eclectic, with the Mother and Father standing together, not patriarchal but egalitarian.

When we lose someone we love very much reality itself seems to drastically change. I have lost other friends and relatives since my dear mom passed back in 1999, but this loss is hitting very hard. My sweet friend was one of those unapologetically beautiful young women with a heart full of kindness and a good strong head on her shoulders. She took lots of adorable selfies and had beautiful tattoos decorating her arms and her back. She was smart and sensitive and generous. She opened her home to my daughters when they needed a friend. She wrote to my Alyssa as well.

We are all still in shock, but we still put up the Christmas tree. My phone broke the morning the news was on FB. Kori’s last selfie she posted to Instagram – said she was stranded in NM but at least she looked cute. She loved herself and so many of us loved her too! Maybe sometimes Creator calls angels back home early precisely because they have reached a level of self love radiating the same outwardly to all (as opposed to narcissism)?

I don’t know, but my whole family is experiencing this loss together, for our families have been friends for sixteen years. We are treasuring each other just that much more, for we are reminded of how fragile life is, and how important it is to let each other know how much we do love each other.

I know Kori will be watching over us – she was an angel on earth and will be our special angel on the other side.

When I was able to visit Alyssa a couple of weeks ago, she was under the impression that I was going to remain without a phone indefinitely. And I am the only one she can reach regularly, so she was feeling cut off. And heartbroken. But her dorm sisters flocked around her to support her, they wrote a group letter of love, healing and sympathy. So ninety young women who never even met Kori are adding their prayers for the family.

My ex husband and youngest son (who is 18 years old) went out to New Mexico for the funeral. Then last Sunday there was a benefit concert at The Deli for her. Three of my grown kids went there, and my best friend took me. So many people there. Norman is a city but it has a small town feel. Some of my kids and I have nearly 200 FB friends in common or something crazy like that. We are all connected.

Luckily, Alyssa did get my letter with my new phone number and I was able to speak to her today! That was a relief. Also, they have special Christmas snack packages families can order, so that’s a nice privilege. She was promoted again, this time to Recreational Director. She looks beautiful. Her uniform suits her quite well. She gets to send me a picture soon! Her brothers are going to visit her in January, and Nina and Loralai and I will be going very close to Christmas, but we want it to be a surprise.

So many people needing prayers, perhaps this is one reason for so many souls crossing over with each new wave of incoming energy. Because our atoms are literally made of the same molecular structure as the stars, just as we are filled with the clay of the earth, our Mother. No wonder it feels so great to walk barefoot on the grass and sit up against a tree, just soaking up that great tree energy.

So now I will do a sound healing bath and irrigate my sinuses, and perhaps all the tears I shed so far today will prepare me for being strong for my dear friends who have lost such a beautiful daughter, sister, friend.

I love you all. Love one another. Here is a picture of all four best friend girls. My daughter Alyssa is second to the end on the right and Kori is the furthest to the right. Epiphany is furthest
on the left, with Amanda next to her. My girls.

She Flew Away Too Soon

She Flew Away Too Soon

Oh, blessed was she,
my daughter’s best friend,
a heart full of kindness,
she was a walking goddess,
tiny, loyal and true,
big green eyes,
nothing could prepare
us for losing her.

Life is so fragile,
each moment to be
all of it –
the love, the laughter,
the pain, the sorrow.

For all it took
was one fateful moment,
one terrible car crash,
and our angel grew true wings,
God called her back too soon,
and she flew away before
she even knew what happened.

I sensed her confusion
the first few days,
she knew not she wasn’t
coming back to grace
us with her beautiful smile,
but now she’s coming to us
in our dreams.

She came to one of
my sons the other night,
told him not to worry,
that on the other side,
everything is okay
and we will see her
one fateful day,
when our own time comes
to fly.

She flew away far too soon,
this daughter of my heart.
My own daughter crushed,
devastated, in shock,
in disbelief, this tragic
news I had to share,
our first visit in months.

Somehow, the article
in our local paper
surfaced in her dorm,
so she knew it to be true.
No time to say goodbye
to one so dear, so loving,
so full of life,
and spit and vinegar too,
she was spicy.
And powerful.
Born on 11/11, she was
only 27 for 17 days.

We’re so thankful
she didn’t suffer,
instead she flew away,
flew away too soon,
our little butterfly,
Kori Lynn,
we will all love
you forever,
and we all wish
to be better people,
like you,
as you fly high
above us all,
yet remain a constant
presence in our hearts
sweet, sweet young woman.

Thank you for being
such a Light on this planet,
for you touched so many hearts.
You were a devoted aunt, sister,
daughter and friend.
You truly did shine
like a rock star,
beautiful Kori Lynn.

May you spread your wings
and fly to the highest
heaven, and please keep an
eye on all of us who
will always, always love you.

Blessed be.

© Kamea Moonmaiden

On Head Standing – Overcoming Obstacles

I love Ganesh, the Hindu son of Paravati and Shiva. Since Paravati was human, when her son looked upon his father, his head burned up (there is another version where Shiva kills him, but I like this one better). Paravati was furious and demanded Shiva do something about it, so he gave him an elephant head and grew up to become quite revered. I can see why he would be the remover of obstacles – talk about overcoming obstacles! No human head, hmmmm, what shall we do? Oh! I know! An elephant’s head will do nicely for a young god. And indeed it did.

I have a little statue of Ganesh in my room. I mention this now for after going through surgery a little over two weeks ago – and a steroid injection into my sacroiliac a week before that – I am definitely overcoming obstacles. The pain wasn’t too bad – but getting back into being able to eat regularly was. And I discovered I am definitely lactose intolerant for the most part. Been avoiding gluten mostly for a while now, suspecting it was one of the culprits, and had cut out red meat, only had occasional chicken and different types of fish regularly. Lots of veggies. Legumes. Chopped or slivered nuts and nut pastes. Hummus. Only granola or other mostly healthy types of cereal. A banana every morning. Red grapes, oranges, cantalope, apples, berries – I love all fruit.

Well, before the surgery my stomach had been bothering me way more than usual for quite some time. That was one of the reasons I decided to go ahead with the surgery. And then several women close to people who are close to me developed ovarian cancer. That to me was a sign. So now I will never get ovarian cancer. At least that. But a body goes through some enormous adjustments when organs are removed. I don’t like to label the challenges I deal with, but fibromyalgia is the name of one of them, which is mostly under control. But things like surgery and extreme stress can bring it on. And it came along with a renewal of IBS which had been creeping in since August. To the point where I had to resume taking Levsin, which is an anti-spasmodic, and it wasn’t even working. In addition to that, papaya enzyme, TUMS and lots of coconut water and nectars like guava, mango, and pear.

Well, after the surgery it got so bad and my weight began to drop, which is a trigger for me because most of my adult life I have been at least twenty to thirty pounds underweight. I didn’t realize how tiny I looked. When I look back at pictures of myself, I am amazed the wind didn’t blow me away. And I was working my butt off raising a family of six kids at the time. I wasn’t very kind to my body. I ate every day – just usually skipped lunch, but if I was allergic to dairy and gluten and red meat and those were the things I was cooking for my kids – I wasn’t absorbing many nutrients. Malabsorption was going on for sure. That and having been struck by lightning through the telephone at the age of 18, along with heredity and bad posture and smoking cigarettes (I quit three and a half years ago) all contributed to the stomach and spine problems.

But I am not working on beating myself up, did that enough already. It is what it is, and had become a tremendous obstacle. Then I decided to follow the example of a fellow blogger who has recovered from severe anorexia and now is on a vegan and gluten free diet. I wasn’t sure where to begin, so I went and bought kombucha, some naked green juice (a huge bottle), salad stuff, coconut water, gluten free crackers and an organic gluten free vegan green chile enchilada meal by Annie. I’ve been into those little frozen dinners for a quick treat when too tired to cook after doing the big job of shopping, bringing the groceries up the steep concrete slab stairs to my little flat and putting them away.

Well. My stomach is doing MUCH better after five days of going dairy free. My appetite is improving, my energy level is improving. I have done yoga three times during those five days and yesterday was able to stand on my head for the first time in ten years! And this is with a failed neck surgery at C6-7 – or maybe I have a new disk by now. Anything is possible. If I don’t yet, with my stem cell regeneration quantum healing visualization meditations, I am going to grow new disks, mark my words. And some day have an MRI to prove that this indeed did happen. I didn’t think I would ever ever stand on my head again. And I held the pose for at least 30 seconds. My 16 year old homeschooling grandson was practicing with me. We both became quite excited!

And then later on I gave an hour and a half hot stone massage. And my client will be back in two weeks. She left euphoric, and that is definitely the goal.

I have also begun to turn my wi-fi off at night and make sure my phone is either off or on airplane mode. no EMFs bombarding me while I sleep. And I have been sleeping much better. Other than the hot flashes. Which won’t last forever.

I won’t even mention any details about the upcoming shadow election other than the fact that most people are in a frenzied state of emotion can hit an empath like me like a ton of bricks. So today I am grounding and starting slowly, still have some healing to do. And the sun is shining, the recently full moon in Aries is now waning in Taurus and energies are smoothing out.

This woman is very thankful to be healing so well. And will listen to my body, be oh so gentle with it when it asks me to – and push it further when it’s willing and able – and finding the balance between the two is key.

Oh, and I have been following the Water Protectors at Sacred Stone camp in North Dakota. The Standing Rock Sioux are amazing – as is the fact that over 250 tribes have sent people to stand in solidarity – people from all over the world are gathering!!!!! I watched a water blessing ceremony – offering blessed water to the police – after smudging them – they seemed so afraid – but I could tell that deep in their hearts they were saying, “At last! AT LAST!”

For our open hearts and minds are the rainbow bridge connecting heaven and earth – and this beautiful nonviolent revolution – it is spreading – everywhere. And it begins within each and every one of us. And if spam is seen declaring the Water Protectors to be violent, know that those are plants – actors – and cannot and will not deter from the sacred power of prayer, the power of unconditional love, of sacrifice for the planet, for water, for our future generations. For this time, the people will prevail. The world is watching and GAIA has all of us in her arms. And we are healing.

I’m going to go through my winter clothes and see what I can send to the people who are staying through the winter there. For it gets very very cold there! I am loving watching the livestreams on FB, it is almost like being there. Oh, and FB keeps trying to block and censor these videos and posts. Or at least partially do so. But we are keeping them coming. We are the new media. I haven’t had regular television for a couple years, but even then it was for my son so he could watch football. I rarely paid attention to it. Haven’t much since way back in 2000 other than some series on Netflix, but at least that way there aren’t any commercials. Save us from the commercials! Forgive me for rambling, so much is going on in the world right now. I do read about it all even though I don’t watch t.v. I do pray for the people in Haiti. I pray for the people in Syria. I pray for the people in America. I pray for all the people in the world, especially those who are hungry, homeless, oppressed, or living in war torn communities. I believe in the power of the people.

Praying for peace. Resting a bit extra. Drinking lots of water and coconut water too. Choosing life over death – and getting stronger every day! Also have less pain than in over a year! That’s fantastic as well. At one point in time didn’t think giving massages part time would ever be an option again. So glad that wasn’t true!

My cats have become my sentries. They have decided that it’s their job to guard me whenever I am resting. My mama cat Mila, who is nine years old, has to be on my lap whenever I am sitting. They are great guardians. Feeling very blessed. Just missing cheese. Instead of butter I am using coconut oil or olive oil and that’s working great. But haven’t gotten over missing cheese yet.





Reflecting On The Pisces Moon

Hello there, my friends, things have been moving and changing so quickly this last week. Didn’t mean to be gone so long – sometimes just have to mostly give myself a break from the internet. Have come up with a new routine of always turning my cellphone off at night – and voila! Improved sleep.

Finally seeing my specialist to discuss last week’s ultrasound tomorrow, then Wednesday having an epidural steroid injection. That should help a lot. Gave a two hour hot stone massage today and that went quite well. With guided healing visualizations.

Life is good and for the beautiful full moon in Pisces I wrote a list of all things which no longer serve me and burned it in my big smudge pot. Feeling lighter now – it worked! Since my own moon is in Pisces, this one was quite magical for me. Connecting and bonding with new friends and am so happy about that. Letting go helps so much.

Anyway, I will be back soon, going to yoga tonight and healing on a deep cellular level. Lots of love and light to all of you!

Rainbow Blessings.