I just talked to my sweet daughter, and she is very happy that I wish to share her letter with the world, for she has grown so much and is going through tremendous transformation at this time. And she wants her family to know she is so sorry about her relapse. And that the money spent in sending her to Vista Taos last year for a month and the year before for a month was not spent in vain! She did learn tremendous coping skills but needed longer treatment so she could work on her issues from the inside out and have a solid structure for living her life before she gets back out here with all the rest of us. I love her so much! Her letter made me cry. Many times. Blessings of love to you all.
I’m grateful for the letter and pics you sent. Reminds me I have a life outside this fence. Right now I pretend this is my home and these are my sisters so I don’t go crazy, or maybe that means I am going crazy already – lol! I’m doing good though, I have lost 5 lb. I can tell it’s all from my midsection – no love handles – flat tummy. My arms are getting stronger too – I can do workouts that used to be much harder more easily now. But honestly I kinda miss the little extra weight. I’ll be able to get some back when I can finally eat commissary. I’ll be able to eat by Halloween – my birthday! (Her birthday is El Dia de los Muertos – November 2 – and she will be 27).
First I have to march out. Marching out is basically learning all the movements and drills of ceremony for marching. It’s harder than it sounds. We have to memorize a page and a half verbatim first – which I already did. Next I have to act as Platoon Leader and lead the platoon in marching. I’m getting the hang of it all, though. (In fact, she won an award for her marching already!) When I said I was gonna come here and kick some butt so I could go home, I was not playin’.
So I’ll be writing more since I’ll be getting pens and paper of my own tomorrow. I’ve been out for over a month. I got a certificate from my baptism. It came with a little bookmark that says what the preacher said as I emerged from the water. It’s supposed to be God speaking. It’s pretty cool. Anyhoo, it’s already been a blessing for me and I figure I should pass it on to you. 🙂 I know you’ll take good care of it! 🙂
I’ve been trying my best to create new waves of thought. Most of what we think is recycled from yesterdaty. In The Way of the Spiritual Warrior there’s this really profound quote: “There is no need to search, achievement leads to nowhere. It makes no difference at all so just be happy now! Love is the only reality for the world, because it is all One, you see. And the only laws are paradox, humor and change. There is no problem, never was and never will be. Release your struggle, let go of your mind, throw away your concerns, and relax into the world. No need to resist life, just do your best. Open your eyes and see that you are far more than you imagine. You are the world, you are the universe, you are yourself and everyone else, too! It’s all the marvelous Prayer of God. Wake up, regain your humor. Don’t worry, you are already free! ”
Every moment is a choice. When I get sad or lonely I choose to remind myself of all the good things I still have left in my life. I have so much to be thankful for! The two things that make me sad are how much I miss you and the family, and Brian’s broken promises and empty words! I don’t think he’ll ever comprehend what constitutes a loving partner. He would have to go waaay above and beyond for me to even consider getting back with him and even then I would still have my reservations about “us.” “US?” If there ever was an “us.” I kinda feel like his head’s so far up his own ass that he doesn’t know how to treat people. Maybe he will remove his head from there someday. Hopefully soon, cuz the lack of oxygen up there obviously isn’t doing his brain any justice. LOL!
I’m thankful for my sense of humor, any humor really. I’m usually a very cheerful person about 95% of the time. Other things I’m thankful for – inside and out there: My beautiful, amazing, unique family, this experience, my (and your) good genes, new friends, new dreams, new outlook, new values, new priorities, new insight, new attitude, change, transformation, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, laughter, taste buds, sleep, exercise, cool clothes, great taste in music, stars – just to name a few . . .
I can’t wait to see you! Anytime I think about seeing any of y’all I get choked up.
xoxoxo Love, Alyssa Micaela Sunshine Varela
P.S. Will you update me on what’s happening in the world? I’ve got no way of knowing.